He's 20 stories high and without a good script to justify it.

 Man on a Ledge

Original script title: "The Life and Death of a Facebook Employee"

Release Date: January 27, 2012

Desired Release Date: Election Day, 2012

DVD Release Date: January 26, 2012 (just in case it bombs at the theater the next day -which it most certainly will.)

Starring (in order of worthiness)

-Elizabeth Banks (the real reason to see this movie)
-Ridley Scott (the famed director, in his first acting gig ever)
-Sam Worthington (still searching for a career)
-Anthony Mackie (playing the wise black man advising the desperate white man. See any Will Smith movie to know what I mean)
-Stan Lee
-Jack Kirby
-Neal Adams
-Charles Schultz
- And a bunch of other actors, including (grandpa) Ed Harris, who aren't worth mentioning.

Special Note: All stunts in this film were performed by that loon, Tom Cruise, who actually climbed the world's tallest skyscraper in "Mission Impossible; Ghost Protocol" just to stay within the public's eye (he knows his days as an action hero are practically over!)

The Plot
An Facebook employee threatens to jump off of the world's tallest office building because his boss, Mark Zuckerberg (played to perfection by famed director Ridley Scott -his first acting role!), demands that he uses Facebook's new Timeline app on his profile page. As a crowd full of Myspace and Google Plus employees shout "JUMP!" a disturbed police psychologist sent to talk the man down instead joins the man on the ledge -threatening the world below with a double loser splat!

The Review

First of all, I didn't even want to see this nutty movie! I sent my dog to the movie theater to buy me tickets to "Underworld Part 4" starring that fine as white girl, Kate Beckinsale. But along the way he met some people attending a "free secret movie premiere" and he figured I'd enjoy that better. By the time he returned with the free tickets the last showing of Underworld was sold out and I was sh*t out of luck. Stupid f*cking dogs! I should've sent my cat to pick up my ticktets, I hear that they're way smarter animals.

The movie opens up with Sam Worthington's character, Nick, taking a dump inside a Facebook restroom stall when Ridley Scott's Mark Zuckerberg kicks open the stall door and throws a laptop into Nick's lap which displays Nick's Facebook page (which still doesn't have the new Timeline interface on it). Then Mark Zuckerberg grabs Nick and (with his pants down around his ankle), berates him on why Timeline is crucial to Facebook defeating Google Plus and the newly revived Myspace. By the time Mark's tirade is over, poor Nick is a sobbing nervous wreck. With his pants still down around his ankles he climbs out of an open window inside Facebook's towering New York headquarters and threatens to jump! This entire sequence was played expertly by the up and coming Sam Worthington who worked perfectly with the big director turned actor, Ridley Scott. As the two men argued and fought one could get a sense that something great was being created -that is until the amateur director, Asger Leth, unnecessarily and continuously kept showing us Sam Worthington's pants which were draped around his ankles! What was that all about? Was it some sort of obscure, French or German, cinematic method? After all of these shots of a man's pants around his ankles I strangely began to get hungry for some movie food -so I can't review what immediately happened after Sam Worthington's character, Nick climbed onto the ledge.

By the time I came back from concession (there was an exceptionally long line of men) the scene up on the screen had changed dramatically. On the ledge with Sam Worthington was that fine ass Elizabeth Banks playing a police crisis detective and a bunch of failed Republican Presidential candidates! I saw Herman Cain, John McCain and the really old Bob Dole all preparing to jump 90 stories to their certain deaths. Now the crowd below had gotten even bigger. Lots of Obama supporters were shouting "Jump, Motherfuckers!" while trying to fend off a crowd of Republican supporters who were shouting, "Obama should be up there! The economy sucks under his leadership and we've got illegal aliens up our asses!"

Despite all of this way too convincing hostility the production values of the film were stupendous. All of the buildings in the scene looked quite real and the sky too was really, really rendered correctly. I swear that today's computer generated special effects (CGI for all of you nerds) are practically flawless. In one shot a bunch of cars stopped at a street light and all of the people leaned out of their autos and looked skyward, waiting for Mr. Worthington to take his great leap. This scene could've been easily shot on a real city street but the production crew valued the highly expensive CGI version better and so they created it using digital technology. A wise decision because that street corner looked more real than real when it was finished.

The script was top notch. It had all of the bells and whistles of a professional one without being bothered with stuff like character development or pacing. It was one of the best scripts I had ever seen or should I say "heard". The writer was Sesame Street scribe Alfonso Duarte who had begged his boss at Sesame Street for time off to write "Gone With The Wind at 20 Stories" (the script's original title.) His boss flat out rejected the idea of his top writer for Big Bird and Ernie and The Count skip out on his ironclad contract to work for others. But Mr. Duarte was determined to write for the silver screen and told the head of Sesame Street to "eat his underwear" and he quit! 2 days later the script for "Man on a Ledge" was finished and emailed to Disney(?) and the rest is wannabe history.

All in all this movie was a better watch than any of the Star Wars films or that Godfather nonsense. It's on the level with that spectacular movie, "Skyline" that roared into the theater a couple of years ago, changing lives forever. Go see this film, you fucktard, and tell the ushers to go and get you your food if you get there late, while you sit your fat ass down. A lot of people don't utilize this service as much as they should.. Ushers are like waiters you know.