A Wrong, Wrong, Wrong Brothers Movie Review

Flight

Original script title: 'Flight Club'

The Cast of 'Flight':

-Denzel Washington (as the Black Captain Sully)
-Starscream (as the Transformer)
-Peter Pan (as the singing copilot)
-Neil Armstrong (as the deceased passenger)
-The Wright Brothers (as the inventors of flight)
-The Wrong Sisters (as the incestuous neighbors of the Wright Bros).
-Birdman as The Superhero

The Plot:

Denzel Washington stars as himself: an aging breakfast, lunch and dinner skipping, broken bottle and crushed soda can collecting out of work formerly big movie star actor, with another shot at making a decent check when he applies for a job as a cross country motorcycle helmet transporter (there's a gig for everything you know). Only the job is a front for a declining airline company that turns truckers into pilots with only 2.5 days of training in order for it to save money.

The Review

Everybody's saying that this movie is "incredible" to witness, that it's like "a religious experience", so I just had to check out this film. But being a seasoned film reviewer I smartly LOWERED my expectations due to all of the hype surrounding it and to my astonishment the film really did live up to all of the good things that were said about it. It was incredible, the way that in the first few scenes Denzel's character 'The Pilot' is established. The film opens up with The Pilot stocking a basement cellar full of hard liquor as if the f*cking end of the world had been announced on TV. I've never seen so much liquor on the silver screen in my life. Then Denzel (AKA the Pilot) grabs a crate full of booze and runs out of the house to his awaiting semi-trailer. He tosses the booze into the passenger's seat and guns the engine, immediately driving the truck into reverse instead of forward (having apparently hit the wrong gear) and crushing a 'Smart Car' (you know those tiny, $10,000 rip-off 4 wheel golf carts posing as automobiles). Anyway, right away I KNEW WHO THIS CHARACTER WAS. That's professional script writing for you!

The production values of this film were a 'religious experience' itself. After Denzel's character 'The Pilot' finishes his 2.5 days of pilot training and is given a planeload of people (over 400 souls!) to fly to Hawaii, both of Denzel's plane's engines EXPLODE and rip to shred his wings. The rear tail of the plane falls down into the Grand Canyon (an incredibly beautiful, heaven-like shot) and Denzel has to FLY THE PLANE WITHOUT WINGS OR A TAIL THOUSANDS OF MILES TO HAWAII WITH HALF OF IT'S ORIGINAL PASSENGERS AND (get this) UPSIDE DOWN!!! It's a hellish scene so mindbogglingly realistic that the female Denzel fans in the audience actually thought that the Big Handsome President Obama Rival had bought it! They began to scream, "Oh, Denzel!!! They killa hum fo da movie!!!" (these were some of his ghetto fans). I had to get out of my seat and slap the shit back into those ladies in order to get them to realize that Denzel survived the explosion.

So you CAN believe all of the hoopla and hype around this incredible movie. It lived up to--no, it EXCEEDED my expectations because I originally thought that the movie was about the 1960's-1970's 'white flight' out of the cities after the blacks began to move in. In fact there is a romantic-like scene (I guess!) in the movie where Denzel is depressed / drunk and a couple of hot white stewardesses began to massage him for an awfully long time. Made me and the rest of the moviegoers a bit uncomfortable watching it. GO SEE 'FLIGHT' YOU KNUCKLE-DRAGGING MOVIE APES!!! DON'T YOU WANT TO EVOLVE?? GO SEE A REAL MOVIE FOR ONCE INSTEAD OF ALL THAT MADE FOR TV CRAP THAT'S BEING TOSSED ONTO THE BIG SCREEN AS IF!!! I give this movie 5 out of 5 Smoking Planes (so you know it's good!)