Super serious movie review!

The Avengers

Oh, God---!!! OH MY GODDD!! DOUBLE OOMMGG!! I saw "The Avengers" last night, the latest superhero flick from Marvel Comics and I must say it was ultrafantasticmagnificentstunning!!! I watched it with a bunch of other over-enthusiastic nerdy-boys and girls who kept getting up to rush to the restroom because their excitement was a bit too high. In fact people were pissing on themselves everywhere in the theater and it almost ruined the film for me! During the most amazing scenes ushers were moving through the aisles, mopping up urine and throwing down newspapers as if there were a bunch of dogs in the audience instead of us comic book fans. But after a while I just stood on my chair and cheered as Iron Man, The Hulk, Captain America, The Trix Rabbit, and Cindy Brady (from "The Brady Bunch" classic TV show--yes, now she's a Marvel superhero!) battled the evil forces of Loki and Asgard!!!!! To further complicate my viewing pleasure I was unable to prevent myself from bursting into tears at Scarlett Johansson's gorgeous sexy rendition of the Black Widow! My Scarlett induced excitement made me burn enormous amounts of energy so I tore through my popcorn and soda like a starving cheetah attacking a baby deer on the plains of Africa.Then I began to steal handfuls of grub from the movie screen transfixed audience members around me. I ate other people's Goobers, Raisinettes, Twizzlers, etc. all because they couldn't keep their big fan-boy / fan-girl eyes off of Captain America's muscles. I ate so much that I hurled a stream of concession vomit at the movie screen and caused them to shut down the film! But the fans demanded they keep playing the film even with my huge vomit stain on the screen so the theater obliged them! Fans --you gotta love 'em! So go see this flick even if you don't have any money. Beg and tell the theater all sorts of lies to get in! If that doesn't work drill a hole in the side of the theater from the outside (an "Avengers peephole") and pull up a lawn chair! Whatever you do, don't miss this important moment in Hollywood history, you anchor headed, silly review reading fried chicken neck losers!