Safe

Warning! This is not a review. It's a  to-do list!Gonna take in two possible stupid films tonight: "The Raven" and "Safe". One's a murder-mystery thing involving Edgar Allen Poe being set up for murders or something, the other is, well, it's got Jason Statham in it so I guess you know what's that's gonna be about (hint: a high body count plus a couple of deafening explosions, PLUS about 2 females in the audience -the rest hard tough males aching for a life of action-adventure.) Anyway I anticipate a GREAT F*CKING EVENING alone with myself (as usual). I would call a couple of chicks to see if they wanted to ESCORT me to the theater (haha-hehe) but lately (OK, the last 10 years), all I've been getting from the fairer sex is a pack of "No's" and a swift kick in the ass. Perhaps I can sneak my half a blow-up doll into the theater with me (you know what half I'm talking about..!) but that half doesn't have eyes so I'd look kind of suspicious sitting in the theaters with my fist clenched and my feet tapping or stomping (if you prefer) to a hard rocking sound track as Jason S. beat the living daylights out of a couple (or army) of bad guys, next to a plastic replica of the female pelvic area (!). I know disgustingly pathetic but you're still reading this aren't you (you perv!). Hahaha. Well anyway I suppose if the film is bad enough I can always disrobe (that's a fancy word for take off my clothes) and get down to some nitty-gritty action right there in the theater seats! Hell yeah! That sounds like some fun! Hahaha. I'd better censor this horrible description of a typical evening for me from my female friends so that they don't prejudge me and de-friend me or something. Nah! I think I'll let it ride to see who abandons the Silly Movie Reviews (TRADEMARK) ship and who's a true friend of such a disgusting middle aged loser that I am. Any females still around after I post this I commend you! YOU, my friends, are truly open minded and are fantastic fellow Americans wherever you call home (free speech and all that, you know!)